How to Set Boundaries with Your Colleagues

Readers have recently big discussion how to set boundaries with clients and coworkers who take advantage of your time, skills, and efforts — but that’s a huge topic, so let’s discuss! What are your best tips for setting boundaries with your colleagues and customers?

I think it’s important to note at the outset that coworkers are different from customers and different from bosses, and much of the advice here applies most to coworkers. Remember that bosses and clients may expect you to answer questions that ultimately lead to nowhere – this is a normal part of doing business, not intentionally wasting your time (or preoccupation).

Some of our previous discussions may also be helpful here – we talked about Colleague who gets credit for your work, How do you tell your boss you’re not his personal assistant?and what to do the customer who hangs on you.

How Do You Set Boundaries With Colleagues Using Your Time, Skills, and Effort?

That said, here are some of my top tips on how to draw boundaries with such people:

Set limits on your time. For example, I’ve always appreciated that people note that they won’t respond to emails until Monday morning. Know your office though!

Putting the responsibility on someone else. This won’t work for everyone – but if your coworker keeps finding sneaky ways to get you to do his job, it’s okay to refer repeat offenders to other people. “You know who’s going to know that? Jim in marketing!” (This works less well with customers or bosses!)

Clarify where they are on your list of priorities. “I have to work out X, Y, and Z for others, and then I can spend maybe 15 minutes helping you with that.”

Remove them from your field. You may also want to check out our article at: how to deal with talkative coworkers, because many of the tips will work there as well – removing this person from your space is especially important because then you are somehow trapped in the conversation. Walk with them to the printer or go to the coffee station in the office – that way, “Okay, great talk, see you later!” There is an obvious moment where you can say

Some tips were also unbelievable when these readers came to mind:

One reader noted that style is important – you can be warm and courteous without negotiation.

Be assertive in content, but not in tone. That is, “Unfortunately, I won’t have the bandwidth for this task this week. You could try asking X if he can take the job.”

Don’t get mad at people for asking you for things and don’t get defensively defensive. Less is more – you don’t have to explain yourself or justify anything. Be as warm and courteous as possible, but leave no room for negotiation.

Another reader highlighted setting time/space boundaries as well as putting their own priorities first:

Send an email on the way home? If it’s about something for the next morning, I’ll reply after I’ve had my dinner, not in a hungry, drunken rush before I eat. If it’s not about the next morning, I’ll reply when I get to work in the morning. Teams chat with me when I take a break from walking outside? If that minute isn’t something that needs to be done, I’ll address it in 1/2 hour when I get back. Basically, unless it’s something that needs to be taken care of quickly at the moment, the schedule, work, etc. I put my own priorities ahead of others in every situation. And I stopped apologizing for the “slow response”. If they have a problem, they can voice it, but I no longer apologize preemptively.

And guess what? Nothing came up that made this strategy a problem, and I stopped feeling like I couldn’t move from my seat or make time for my personal priorities because I needed to be able to respond instantly.

A third reader noted that it stopped being very useful to the criminal:

Set the limit and then stop being so helpful to them. For example, my coworker emails me instead of the help inbox. When I answered them for the first time and told them where the help inbox should lead questions like this in the future. Then when they email me I don’t respond for 1-2 days (and I still direct them to the help inbox). Eventually they realized that the help inbox was more helpful and quicker than emailing me.

Readers, has this come up? What are your best solutions for setting boundaries with coworkers who take advantage of you? If you’ve ever felt the need to set boundaries with your boss or a client, what are your best tips for doing so?

Stock photo via stencil.