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While the majority of popular culture depictions of the holidays leave a warm, fuzzy, and connected family feel, it’s important to acknowledge and acknowledge that the holidays can be difficult for most of us; overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, marginalized, depressed and even the most loving of families. Don’t worry, there is therapeutic means this may help so you don’t face this alone.
The good thing about this sometimes hard truth is, if you’re reading this now, you’ve survived the start of the holiday slide that was Thanksgiving (or, as my Micmac family cheekily say, Thanksgiving).
Congratulations to you and frankly me too; we did!
Whatever the repetition of your Thanksgiving experience, you are now on the other side. but wAlthough there is no shortage of Christmas carols roaring at every turn, we are now also reminded of the impending presence (regardless of our religious beliefs) December 25.
Then there’s the New Year’s fast track. And let’s be real, the New Year can trigger our feelings of failure with every decision we eventually make but never keep.
As your virtual therapist this year, I’m here to say:
All these emotionally destructive traditions and rituals that we unconsciously accepted in the past.
Rather than repeating the pattern of drowning ourselves in societal norms, let’s develop resources and use therapeutic tools to deal with the present.
For example, the juxtaposition of a time of year that is so heavily tracked on food with a time of year that is so strongly focused on diet and weight loss has the potential to feel confusing and disorienting at best, triggering and traumatizing. worst.
Before I go any further, I’d like to point out that I have zero judgment on any of these vacation experiences.
In fact, I am openly stating that even as a therapist and body activist, I can experience these feelings (yes, we are surprisingly human too!) These feelings are not wrong, but we can also honor that they no longer serve us in any way.
So say a big “see you soon” to any feeling of fraudulent syndrome or self gas lighting and say hello to these five therapeutic tools to get you on vacation!
Treatment Tool 1. Allocate As Much Space As Necessary
In families where we can spend the holidays together, there are many unspoken rules that correspond to how we hold and position ourselves physically and emotionally in any given situation.
If you are still in the process of deciding what to do/where to spend this time, I invite you to really sit down with what is going on around it.
Feeling excited to visit? Do you feel like you have to? Is there a new holiday tradition you can envision creating as an alternative?
Talk to yourself about unspoken “rules” that may be related to your ability to take up space. Is it something encouraged in your family or taught to keep yourself small?
Perhaps in the past you have felt that you should dress more modestly or talk less or eat less, without sharing your opinion or hiding parts of yourself.
Do you notice how it typically feels in your body when you’re around? Does this thought trigger any sensations/emotions/thoughts/memories?
Allowing you to develop awareness of how you feel about taking up space during the holidays can be an important opportunity to learn more about our needs and how we can meet them.
This holiday season, I want to invite you to TAKE PLACE! Live in the capital letters of LIFE for a moment. Let yourself feel great; large; to feel the sense of well-being itself (whatever it means to you).
Maybe it looks like buying an extra slice of cake, maybe it means raising awareness that the space you want or need to buy may be in a different place than your family.
Whatever it means to you; honor it.
Treatment Tool 2. Create an Energetic “Safe Balloon”
Along with many of the unspoken holiday rules that are passed down through our families or our community, there is LOTS of energies coming together in one space.
Sometimes it gives a feeling of energy, tension, or discomfort; sometimes feels angry or awkward; sometimes it feels positive and cheerful; sometimes it feels like judgment or misunderstanding.
Everything you’ve experienced in the past has been projected onto you by others, it’s their energy, not yours. This holiday return, I would like to invite you to develop this affirmation as a therapeutic tool: “The energy is theirs. My energy is mine.”
Use freely and often.
Additionally, use your imagination to create your own energetic safe bubble to guard against emotional vampires spilling over eggnog. I urge you to do this before attending various holiday activities that you know may be triggers for you.
Take a few moments to carefully create exactly how energetic protection will look and feel for you (mine, for example, is a smoldering orange hot energy block that is constantly moving). Find a way to call it a physical presence that you can bring with you over the holidays.
I personally swear by my essential oil sprays and some rocks and crystals.
The point of this is so that when your Aunt Linda inevitably says to you, “You don’t need to eat this,” you can imagine that projection bouncing off your bubble so you don’t internalize it as real.
Treatment Tool 3. Learn and Practice If You Are Allowed to Have and Set Limits
The “safe balloon” point above is a great example of this! We have the right to say no even when the festive enthusiasm is imposed on us. We have the right to have the needs we communicate with.
We have every right to wonder about the most sustainable ways to spend our time this season.
Again, loved ones may need to be taught to respect our boundaries (either indirectly through modeling or through rules/beliefs/norms communicated directly).
Treatment Tool 4. Find an ally in your holiday communities
Whether you’re spending time with your own family, your chosen family, or both, being in a larger group can often feel overwhelming.
It’s not like we always feel completely safe with everyone involved in any party or dinner dynamic, and that’s okay too.
In this case, choose a predetermined ally who will be available and can essentially be a support system if needed (and it can go both ways).
This might seem like having a frank conversation with this person ahead of time and creating a “plan B” or “it’s time to signal a bathroom break”, or perhaps a safe word or gesture that means “I’m feeling very triggered”. help now!”
And another predestined physical way to invite us to physically get out of this trigger (i.e. hug or shake hands). Please remember that there are no right or wrong answers here, only what is most nourishing for your mind.
I know for myself, having this ally shows that I am not alone in my system (even though my anxiety is starting to feel like this).
Treatment Tool 5. Stick to Your Body
As a somatic therapist, I am passionate about improving your awareness of your mind-body connection each month of the year, especially when triggers like the holidays increase.
Allowing you to stay connected with the sensations, feelings, thoughts, feelings, images, and memories that arise is an important act of self-care.
Tap into your body as a resource when you find yourself slipping into a high state of depression or freezing into a state of thawing. Let your body blacken you and be your safe harbor amongst potentially stormy seas!
Whatever therapeutic tools you use to help yourself during this holiday season, allowing you to do so creates a new way of tradition for you to develop and nurture.
I know it’s not easy, but I also know that I believe in our human capacity for resilience, and I wholeheartedly believe in your ability to benefit from it!
What therapeutic tools do you use to help yourself during the holidays?
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