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While most popular culture depictions of the holidays leave a warm, fuzzy, and familial feeling, it’s important to acknowledge and acknowledge that the holidays can be difficult for most of us; overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, marginalized, depressed, and even those with the most loving families. Don’t worry, there is therapeutic tools this might help so you don’t have to face this alone.
The good thing about this sometimes difficult truth is that if you’re reading this now, you’re already past the start of the holiday slide that is Thanksgiving (or as my Micmac family arrogantly said, don’t get a thank you).
Congratulations to you and frankly me too; we did!
No matter what kind of experience you had on Thanksgiving, you are now on the other side. But weAs loud Christmas carols are not lacking at every opportunity, we now also remind us of the approaching presence (regardless of our religious beliefs) December 25.
Then there’s the New Year’s fast track. And let’s be realistic, the New Year can eventually trigger our feelings of failure regarding every decision we make but never fulfill.
As your virtual therapist this year, I’m here to say:
All these emotionally destructive traditions and rituals that we unconsciously accepted in the past.
Instead of repeating the pattern of drowning ourselves in societal norms, let’s develop resources and use therapeutic tools to deal with our present.
For example, the juxtaposition of a time of year that focuses so heavily on food and diet and weight loss has the potential to disorient and confuse at best, trigger and traumatize at best. worst.
Before I go any further, I want to honor that I have no judgment of these holiday experiences.
In fact, I am openly saying that even as a therapist and body activist, I can experience these feelings (yes, we are surprisingly human too!) These feelings are not wrong, but we can also honor that they no longer serve us in any way.
So say a big “see you” to any sense of fraudulent syndrome or self gas lighting and say hello to these five therapeutic tools to take you on vacation!
Therapeutic Tool 1. Allocate As Much Space As Necessary
There are many unspoken rules that exist in families where we may well spend the holidays together, which ultimately correspond to how we hold and pose ourselves physically and emotionally in any given situation.
If you’re still in the process of deciding what to do/where to spend this time, I really recommend sitting around with those who approach you.
Excited to visit? Do you feel compelled? Is there a new holiday tradition you can imagine creating as an alternative?
Ask yourself about the unspoken “rules” that may exist around your floor covering ability. Is it something encouraged in your family or have you been taught to keep yourself small?
Perhaps in the past you have felt that you should dress or speak more modestly or eat less, without sharing your opinion or hiding some of yourself.
Do you notice how you typically feel in your body when they are around? Does this thought trigger any sensation/feeling/thought/memory?
Allow yourself to develop awareness of how you feel about taking up space during the holidays, it can be an important opportunity to learn more about our needs and how to get them met.
This holiday season, I want to invite you to TAKE PLACE! Live for a moment with the capital letters of LIFE. Let yourself feel great; large; to feel the sense of well-being itself (whatever it means to you).
Maybe it seems like going for that extra slice of cake, maybe it means raising awareness that the space you want or need to occupy may be in a different place than your family.
Whatever it means to you; honor it.
Therapeutic Tool 2. Create an Energetic “Safe Balloon”
A LOT of energy comes together in one space, along with many unspoken holiday rules passed down through our families or our community.
Sometimes it gives a feeling of energy, tension, or discomfort; sometimes it makes you feel angry or awkward; sometimes it feels positive and cheerful; sometimes it feels like judgment or misunderstanding.
Whatever you have experienced in the past, being projected onto you by others was their energy, not yours. So, on this vacation trip, I would like to invite you to develop this affirmation as a therapeutic tool: “Their energy belongs to them. My energy is mine.”
Use freely and often.
Additionally, use your imagination to create your own energetic safe bubble to guard against emotional vampires touching the eggnog. I invite you to do this before you have to deal with various holiday activities that you know can trigger you.
Take a few moments to create exactly how energetic protection will look and feel for you (mine, for example, is a constantly moving blob of burnt orange hot energy). Find a way to turn it into a physical asset that you can bring with you over the holidays.
I personally swear by my essential oil sprays and some rocks and crystals.
The point of this is so that when your Aunt Linda inevitably tells you, “You don’t need to eat this,” you can imagine that projection bouncing off your bubble so you don’t internalize it as real.
Therapeutic Tool 3. Learn and Practice If You Are Allowed to Have and Set Limits
The “safe balloon” point above is a great example of this! We have the right to say no even when the joy of the holiday is imposed on us. We have the right to have the needs we communicate with.
We have every right to wonder about the most sustainable ways to spend our time this season.
Again, loved ones may need to be taught to respect our boundaries (either indirectly through modeling or through rules/beliefs/norms communicated directly).
Therapeutic Tool 4. Find an ally in your holiday communities
Whether you’re spending time with your own family, your chosen family, or both, being in a larger group can often feel overwhelming.
It’s not always like that when we feel completely safe with everyone involved in any party or dinner dynamic, and that’s okay too.
Select a close, pre-appointed ally who can be essentially a support system if needed, in which case it will also be present (and it can go both ways).
It might seem like having a frank conversation with this person ahead of time and creating a “plan B” or “toilet break signal” together, or perhaps a safe word or gesture to mean “I’m feeling over-triggered” right now, help!”
And another prearranged physical way of inviting us to physically get out of this trigger (i.e. hug or shake hands). Please remember that there are no right or wrong answers here, only what is most nourishing for your mind-body.
I know for myself, having that ally shows that I am not alone in my system (Even if my anxiety starts to feel this way).
Therapeutic Tool 5. Stick to Your Body
As a somatic therapist, I am passionate about cultivating your awareness of your mind-body connection every month of the year, but especially when triggers are high like the holidays.
Allowing you to stay connected with the sensations, feelings, thoughts, feelings, images, and memories that arise is an important act of self-care.
Use your body as a resource when you realize that you are falling into a state of heightened depression or freezing into a state of separation. Let your body bring you down and be your safe harbor in possible stormy seas!
Whatever therapeutic tools you use to help yourself during this holiday season, allowing yourself creates a new tradition way for you to develop and nurture.
I know it’s not easy, but I also know that I believe in our human capacity for resilience and I wholeheartedly believe in your ability to take advantage of it!
What therapeutic tools do you use to help yourself during the holidays?
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